2.30 am, got a call from hospital…
Why life has to be so mean and challenging to you? You’ve been telling us why you have suffered so much when you were young. And why you still need to suffer when you are old. You said you don’t want to live like this. I don’t know how to answer you…
You make me question life. How can a person who did so many good deeds have to face all these kind of shit. I know we were born to face challenging life stages, to understand life does not full of high times only. Shit just happens. Yet, I still question life cause I’m not perfect, I’m not a god.
I doubt myself, I want you to live long but I don’t want you to live while you’re not living. I know this is the last situation you would ever wanted, but I don’t know what to do.
After you being saved, I saw your eyelids are wet, I bet you cried. My heart aches so bad, it’s like it’s been torn apart. When I said you’re forever my darling nanny, you opened your teary eyes, yet nothing I can do. Holding your cold hand, seeing you with the ventilator for days, I don’t know what I should do. 💔
Quoting John Green
“Life is not a wish granting factory.”
Couldn’t fall back to sleep, emotions kept pouring on me, words kept flooding in.
If you are going through the same thing, just want to say you are not alone, hang on there! We will fight this fight!